When people find out that I’m a writer, usually, the first question out of their mouths is, “Have you had anything published?”
To which I always answer, “Yes!”
See, being published is kind of a subjective topic. Because much like people’s views on the benefits of eating Tacos vs. Brussel Sprouts, one person’s written tome is another person’s bathroom wall graffiti. So, that being my way of thinking, I can honestly say that I’ve been a published writer for the past 45 years. And given the current state of technology, applications like Twitter, Facebook, and the Internet are the new bathroom walls of America.
Back in the day, the only reason we all went to the bathroom in restaurants, gas stations, schools, and hospitals was so that we could read what some creative genius wrote on the wall. We didn’t have smartphones with which to text, tweet, or post with while we are performing the most basic of human functions. We took our entertainment from words printed by a felt tip pen on a wall that you wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole by a person we wouldn’t let in our living room much less near our children. We craved the words and laughter about as bad as a ravenous fat kid wants to devour an entire seven-layer wedding cake.
And yet my first piece of “Published Work” was a bathroom wall in Jr. High school. Yes, I had to keep my identity as secret as the location to the Batcave, but it was worth it. Just to hear people laugh at what I wrote about how my 7th grade English teacher was secretly cross-dressing as the lunch lady became incredibly intoxicating to me. Even at a very young age, I loved making people think and laugh about what was going on around them, and I still do to this day. So you can imagine that my evolution from Bathroom Wall Philosopher/Reporter to Social Media/Observational Wordsmith had only gotten worse with the advent of technology.
The more I write, the more I feel the need to pass to the masses, small printed mental items that make one think. Here’s one that I’ve been working on: “Once you get past the expiration date on a bottle of poison, does that mean its safe to take?”
Twitter and Facebook allow me to get away with this stuff, up to a point. Can we say “Account Blocked”? But I feel that my talents need to branch out into more extended and more “relevant” topics for more people to read and enjoy. And that, my friend, is what you are holding in your hand or on your tablet. One man’s graffiti look at his life, his family, and the world in general. So relax and enjoy what’s before you. But if you come away from reading this collection of humoristic observations with something called “Original Thinking,” well, that’s on you. Oh, by the way, the words in this book have been sanitized for your pleasure and protection.