First of all, I do realize that today is Tuesday and that I also did not put out a blog post yesterday. But for those of you out there who are nursing hangovers and vaguely remember how to use a calendar, you will realize that yesterday (Monday) was Labor Day.

And that would explain why I took a day off to put out a post because I too was enjoying the day off from my labors. Or, as Mrs. Nickels likes tells everybody “The only reason he logged off his laptop was so that he could make the trek from his home office (my Batcave) to the couch in the living room and take a 12-hour nap.”

Tomato or Tomahto. You decide.

Anyway, let me get back to the reason for today’s post.

Last week I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts Wheelnerds with Chuck Brewer and Todd Cox when they went into their segment on “Motorcycle Classified Ads”.

Now where they get these “Classified Ads” I haven’t a clue. But there are two things you should know about these ads. One: They are real ads put up by people who are really selling these “Motorcycles”. And two: The reason I put the world Motorcycles in quotation marks is that the bikes in question are not what the normal person would consider your average every day two-wheeled transportation vehicles.

I have heard and seen (thanks to the links to these ads they put up on their website), ads that say people are selling, and I’m not kidding here: Bikes made out of wood, bikes that look like they’ve been buried next to a dead body (i.e. in pieces with vegetation growing in and around the frames and parts), bikes that were “Not Stolen” (meaning that the guy selling said motorized vehicle did not have clear title or no title at all for a bike he was selling.). Bikes that were previously purchased but now have to be sold because the owner’s Mom/Girlfriend/Baby Mama/Significant Other or the Nun down the street either found out about it and thought the seller in question was lacking a sufficient amount of brain cells and would be killed for riding around on one “Satan’s Bobsleds”. Or the seller had an epiphany and realized that if they don’t sell this bike and buy a minivan, it won’t be just the bike that will be sleeping in the garage.

I mean, you name it and most likely Chuck and Todd have read and posted a classified about it. Like the one where a guy made a sidecar for his motorcycle out of a used water heater. Then there was one a guy was selling his “Project Bike” because he didn’t have time to work on it. Now, on the surface, this sounds like a normal situation. Guy buys a bike and figures that over time he can work on this bike to make it his own. Not just something that rolled off a factory line, but customized to his particular liking. Kind of like what Tim Allen’s character did in the TV series Home Improvement when he was working on the Hot Rod. The problem with this guy’s bike was the bike was in boxes. I don’t mean like it was fully assembled inside a shipping box/crate for shipment. I’m talking about this bike was in pieces in like 7 boxes/milk crates yet the seller said and I quote “Runs Great!” How in the world can a bike “Run Great” when its engine is totally disassembled and sitting in multiple boxes?

But I think my absolute favorite Classified Ad was posted by a kid, I believe he said he was 16 years old, who wanted to swap one of his testicles for a dirt bike. I literally had to stop the podcast and replay that particular section to make sure I heard that correctly. Now, in case you didn’t go back and reread that part about this kid who wanted to trade one of his testicles for a dirt bike, let me re-write that again so you can understand it…and this time I will write it slow so you all can keep up and understand: This GUY wanted to TRADE one of his TESTICLES for a DIRT BIKE!

Are we all now on the same page here?

Ok, let me explain a few things why this guy who wants to make this outrageous trade should be committed or at the very least have his Man Card revoked.

One: Testicles are rare. God only issued each guy two and they are supposed to last a lifetime. Sure, there are guys who are born with three but they are either working in the circus or in a particular movie industry that decorum prevents me from describing; but this aforementioned industry uses a lot of electric guitar scratching sounds/music that go “Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow”.  Nuff said.

Two: Not only are their rare, but they are sensitive! You wanted to have one removed and it’s pretty much going to hurt you for a very long time. If you thought the recovery from a vasectomy hurt, you ain’t seen/felt nothing yet.

Three: Balance. You remove something from one side of your body, chances are you’ll be naturally leaning the way where you have the most body weight. And if you aren’t careful, you’ll be spending the rest of your life walking in a big circle because you just had to trade a major body part for that dirt bike your parents said you couldn’t have.

In short, you really need to check out Chuck and Todd’s show. Wheelnerds is not just two guys having a good time and throwing in stuff once in a while about motorcycles. They are serious about rider safety with Todd being an (I was going to say “Certified”, but you guys would have taken it out of context) Motorcycle Instructor. While Chuck is a “renowned expert” on what to do if your bike breaks down (for further clarification, please listen to the back episodes). They also have some very interesting guests on the show that cover the wide spectrum of motorcycle riding. And while they do poke fun at guys like me who like to ride Harley’s, I do learn a lot from them and I seriously look forward to their show.

So guys, go to whatever you program you use for your podcast subscriptions and look for Wheelnerds then hit the “Subscribe” Button or you can go to their website (www.Wheelnerds.com) and listen from there. By the way, you could also like their page Wheelnerds on Facebook and I believe you can follow them on Twitter too.

Now if you will excuse me, I hear the couch calling my name.

P.S. Just so you know, I wasn’t paid or compensated for this “rousing endorsement” (as if Chuck and Todd had any money anyway) 😉