Some “Hot” Observations

Today, where I live, it is going to be the hottest day of the year. Of course, that is assuming that Hell doesn’t decide to annex Southern California between now and the end of the year. But on days like this, it is too hot really to do anything. For example, it is 102 degrees outside and it’s only 10:35 in the morning. Not even Chicken (the real name of my dog) wants to go out in this heat. In fact, she told me “I’ll just hold it until it cools down a bit.”

But right now, I am sitting in The Batcave (the place I call my writing space) and I currently have 4 fans and the air conditioner going where it is a comfortable 78 degrees. Of course, the cost I am going to pay when I get my next electric bill will rank right up there with paying an arm and a leg along with pieces of my soul thrown in for good measure.

So, what do people do when it’s this hot? Granted, there are those individuals who have to be out in this kind of heat. The guys doing the paving for our roads, for example, should get double time for having to work in weather like this. But these guys endure it because they have a job to do and, like as Mike Rowe would say “Somebody’s gotta do it.”

But when it gets this hot, you really don’t want to do anything. I’m lucky in that I’m off work today, but if you are at work, you really have no desire to do a thing: Air-conditioned office or not. It seems on days like this when its so hot that even Death Valley is starting to look like a vacation spot, our motivation to do anything at all seems to disappear as fast as the last jelly donut at a Weight-Watchers meeting. I mean, who really wants to put out any kind of effort when all you want to do is layout under a sun umbrella, drink a cold beverage of your choice as you are conveniently located near either your pool or at the beach.

What really gets me about this heat is that it’s not constant. I mean it would be one thing if it stayed hot for a while and that way your body would have a chance to acclimate itself to the heat. But what bothers me is that 5 days ago, we were in the low 80’s for a high and now, today mind you, we are going to hit 115 degrees. It’s like Mother Nature is having a series of hot flashes and she can’t leave the Earth’s Thermostat alone. One day it’s nice and cool, next second we are cooking our food outside without the aid of a BBQ.

We all have watched the news where the weather guy/gal comes out just to rub it into us that we are going to all swelter tomorrow. Here they are, impeccably dressed, not a hair out of place and smiling at us with all the power of the $34,000.00 worth of dental work they had done. Then they have the audacity to tell us that it’s going to be extremely hot today and tomorrow then a cooling trend will come in where it will only be mildly hot, followed by days of mostly hot with patches of hotness that will melt steel.

Then after the weather report from Hell, one of the main talking heads, (i.e. the reporter reading what someone else wrote on the teleprompter,) tells us that “to avoid getting heat stroke we need to get someplace cool and drink plenty of water”. Where do they get geniuses like these people? Of course, we are going to try and get out of the heat! Do you think that people just love putting their bodies into open flames and leaving them there for indeterminate lengths of time? No, you mindless pile of protoplasm!

Staying out of the heat I don’t have a problem with. But it’s the drinking of the water thing that I have a hard time coming to grips with. Yes, I do understand that drinking water is good for you, that it helps lower your body temperature when it’s hot, that it helps you sweat thereby aiding in the cooling of the body process, yeah, I get all of that. My problem is that I just really don’t care for the taste of water.

Yeah, I can drink a pot of black coffee with no problem. Sweetened Ice Tea, same thing. But ask me to drink the same amount of bland every day, or even bottled, water and something in me just seems to rebel. I don’t know what it is about drinking that much water. Maybe I’m thinking that if I am drinking water that I’m actually cheating on my coffee and tea consumption. Maybe I’ve got stuck in my mind that water is where fish live and what fish do in their private lives in their habitat is too much for me to think about so that’s why I can’t drink the water.

Earlier I said it was 102 degrees when I started writing this post. Now, less than an hour later, it is now 109 degrees. I look outside my window and I see piles of ash where people have spontaneously combusted from going outside of their apartments. Cars are resting on their axels amidst puddles of liquid rubber on the asphalt. Dogs, when marking their territory on fire hydrants, are hearing sizzling.

So, on that pleasant and cheery note, I think I will stop here. Not because I don’t have any more ideas to write about, but my keyboard is starting to get a little warm and I’m afraid if I continue any further, things are going to get ugly.

Try to stay cool people.

I know return you to your regularly scheduled life…already in progress.

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