Who needs Michael Jordan when you can be like Mark Wahlberg?

I’m 62 years old and struggle to get out of bed and walk in the morning. Granted, I get up at 4 in the morning and walk 3.25 miles, 5 days a week, but what I do is nowhere near what Mark Wahlberg does daily.

But there are subtle differences between Mr. Wahlberg and me. First of all, he’s 10 years younger than I am. Not his fault, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

Next, Mark gets up at 2:30 in the morning. As previously mentioned, I’m up at 4. But by the time I’ve rolled out of bed, Wahlberg has gotten up, had prayer time (good idea there, Mark), had his FIRST breakfast (can anyone say “Frodo from Lord of the Rings”) of Steel oats, peanut butter, blueberries, and eggs, and is part way through his FIRST workout of the day.

By the time 5:30 to 5:45 comes around, I’ve made coffee, shaved, showered, gotten dressed, popped down a couple of hard-boiled eggs that I bought at Costco for breakfast, then powered up my laptop to start my conversation with you.

Meanwhile, Marky-Mark is almost done with his SECOND breakfast of a protein shake, three turkey burgers, and five pieces of sweet potato and is getting ready to shower.

Oh, did I happen to mention that these meals are prepared by his personal chef? What? You thought he made these meals on his own? No way! Do I begrudge him for that? Nope! He’s earned the money to afford someone to premake his healthy meals. Good for him. (I’m lucky if I can get my girlfriend to nuke me a frozen burrito).

So, 7:30 comes around, and this guy is playing golf.

For starters, where do you go to play golf at 7:30 in the morning? If you are Mark Wahlberg, you play in your backyard. Turns out that before he moved his family to Nevada, Wahlberg’s former California home had a 5 hole golf course.  

What am I doing at that time? I’m at my soul-sucking job while Mark is outside working on his backswing. I’m stuck in a soulless cubicle, doing soulless work, in a soulless building, surrounded by people who’ve had their souls sucked out of them by our Corporate Overlords in their never-ending quest to make more record-breaking profits for the glory of The Mega Corporation.  

8:00 am rolls around, and Mark is eating again. Sure, he is munching down 10 turkey meatballs, but you gotta love a guy who’s always eating. Yes, Wahlberg works out more than a gym rat on steroids, but this explains why this guy is always wolfing down food. It’s like the character “Rusty” played by Brad Pitt in Ocean’s 11, Ocean’s 12, and Ocean’s 13. They are great movies, and I highly recommend you watch them. But the one thing Rusty was always doing in those movies was that he was eating all the time.

We get to 9:30 am, and while my corporate masters are walking around our cubicles and performing the art of Flagellation on their minions to get them to work harder and faster, our hero is in a steel tube practicing a controlled version of hypothermia. Basically, Mark is doing something called “Cyro Chamber Recovery.”

Cyro Chamber Recovery exposes the body to freezing temperatures in a cryogenic chamber. Athletes, and action movie stars, use it to reduce inflammation, pain, and muscle recovery time. The cold temperature triggers the body to release hormones and proteins that have anti-inflammatory and metabolic effects.

As 10:30 rolls around, we are unchained from our soulless cubicle, as mandated by law, to take a quick break. We are now seen drinking coffee brewed with the tears of office temps ready to collapse under their massive workload. Meanwhile, Mark is working on breakfast number 3.

It is at 11:00 am. While Mark spends the next two hours in what he calls “Family Time/Meetings/Work Calls,” I spend the next two hours as the recipient of more Flagellation, but this time to Disco Music. (Who says Management doesn’t care about us?).

1:00 pm rolls around, and this is the only time Marky-Mark’s schedule and I actually line up. Because it is at this time he has his lunch of New York steak with green peppers prepared by his personal chef, I head down to the company cafeteria, where I stand in with the rest of the Corporate Minions and get a giant spoon full of something slopped on my tray that looks like it oozed out of the 1986 Chornobyl disaster.

2:00 pm Mark has meetings and work calls. The funny thing is, so do I. While Wahlberg’s meetings of setting up his multi-million dollar paycheck in his next blockbuster movie, my meeting consists of our Corporate Overlords doing a Zoom meeting from their respective yachts in the Bahamas, telling us that we are all “worthless and weak” but in appreciation of our pathetic efforts, instead of raises this year, The Mega Corporation will be giving us a pizza party and passing out keychains with the company logo on them.

3:00 pm Wahlberg is picking his kids up from school. Me? I’m in the bathroom throwing up the Chornobyl stew I had for lunch.

3:30 pm, and he’s snacking on grilled chicken with bok choy while I’m eating stale crackers I found in an abandoned desk, trying to still settle my stomach.

4:00 pm, and Mark is on Workout #2. And while he is working on his body, I’m working on my escape plan because I know that 5:00 pm is coming soon, and I want to be the first one out the door.

5:00 pm, and while Wahlberg takes his 2^nd shower of the day, I, on the other hand, am a blinding flash of light, leaving the building with such speed that The Flash actually called me for running tips.

5:30 pm. Mark has dinner and family time (Insert the name/course description of a personal chef-prepared healthy meal here). Me? I’m sitting in traffic and scrounging for the loose peanuts that fell between the cushions of my car seat.

7:30 pm, and Wahlberg is in bed. I, on the other hand, am just getting home. (See, I told you traffic sucked). Most likely, I’ll be in bed by 8 or 9 pm after a dinner of something I’m sure I’d rather forget.

You would be sorely mistaken if you think I wrote this to bash Mark Wahlberg. Again, I do not envy him for having the same personal trainer for the past 14-plus years. Or having a personal chef who prepares his meals so he can focus his time and energy on things. I do not begrudge his money to afford these things because he has earned every penny. And I’m sure that Mark is one of the most excellent guys I’ve never had the pleasure to, or will probably ever get to meet, but I’m saying this: One does what one can with what one has.

It may not be fun, but you do what you must do. It’s no fun to get up at 4 and go walking. At my age, things hurt more, and the pain lasts longer. It’s not easy to start writing at 5:15 in the morning and then have to stop to go to a job you really rather not be at and work for people who do not see you as a natural person but as an expendable cog in their corporate machine that can be changed out and discarded based on their whims and profits.

Eating healthy sucks when you don’t have a personal chef that can turn your lawn clippings into something that actually tastes good. But you do it because you want a healthier lifestyle, so you can do what you want/need to do to succeed.

But you do what you need to do to better yourself.

You may never star in a million-dollar blockbuster movie, but you can be the star in someone else’s life just by being there for them. Listening to them talk. Telling them, they are going to be ok. Being a true friend/companion/spouse/parent to them will put you leaps and bounds above the rest of Hollywood’s so-called “A-List Community.”

From what I’ve read and heard about his reputation and work ethic, Wahlberg has done precisely that. Health Nut (Just kidding, Mark), Husband, Family Man, Successful Actor/Entrepreneur, and Friend.

Bravo Mark…Bravo!