Earlier this week, the County of Los Angeles here in California, due to the so-called “COVID Pandemic,” has decided in their infinite wisdom to cancel Halloween. As of this writing, they have decided to “backtrack” on this closure to “re-think” what to do.

Other counties here in California have come out with the same type of non-committal, politically correct statement in regards to Halloween. “___________ County is working with the state on this matter and is currently waiting for the state to release guidance on Halloween activities.”

So, let us sit back for a moment and think about what other “options/guidance” our glorious state officials are going to offer up. First of all, you have to remember that the trend of any kind of social gathering since this COVID thing started is to do it “virtually.” In other words, you sit in front of your computer or your phone, and you do it online.

But wait a second. If wearing a mask is supposed to “keep people from getting the virus” in the first place. Then you would think that Halloween would be the safest holiday you could celebrate. Why, you ask? Because everyone on Halloween is wearing a mask!

See, the state is already telling churches and other public places that they can not do things like Trunk and Treats because it doesn’t meet the requirements of “Social Distancing.” For those of you who have never heard of Trunk and Treat, it is where a large group of people park their cars in a vast parking lot, and the kids go from car to car for candy. Instead of going out into the streets to trick or treat, they are in a designated area, like a church or school parking lot, where everyone knows everyone. It is a safe alternative for Trick or Treating for your kids.

So instead of wearing a mask and gather up candy from their neighbors, the government agencies want kids to get into a car with their parents and go watch a scary movie at a drive-in. Or, how about a “Drive-By” Halloween experience? What that basically is, is that cars would drive by your house, and you would throw candy into the vehicles as they drive by.

Seriously? Throw candy into a moving car as it drives by your house? And how do you say “Trick or Treat” in this scenario? How are the kids supposed to show off their costumes? This will not work for two excellent reasons.  One) The Car is moving to fast to see anything, and Two) Not everyone is bright enough to slow down their cars and roll down their windows before saying “Trick or Treat.”

You see where this is going, don’t you? Every holiday from here on out will be a virtual event—first, a virtual Halloween.

Then we move onto a virtual Thanksgiving where everyone is crowded around a monitor watching old You-Tube videos of Julia Childs making thanksgiving dinner. Are they also going to stop The Salvation Army and various Rescue Mission from providing free meals as well? Or are they just going to give the homeless and hungry laptops, plus the link to the Julia Child’s You-Tube channel, and then say Bon Appetite?

Next comes Christmas. I know of one channel here in California that on Christmas Eve devotes like 12 hours of programming to just looking into a burning yule log in a fireplace while playing Christmas music. In New York, they televise the lighting of the tree at Rockefeller Square. What’s next? Families getting together online to open presents?

And lest we forget New Year’s Eve. Everyone is gathered around their TV sets to watch some stupid ball “fall” down a building in New York, and when it hits the bottom…It’s the start of a new year. Except if you are watching it in California, where we are 3 hours behind New York. So, theoretically, you could say “Happy New Year” at 9PM in California and head to bed because it’s already midnight in New York.

And finally, The Rose Parade on New Years Day. Does anyone ever really watch The Rose Parade? Yeah, let’s get up early on New Year’s Day, assuming we aren’t too hungover, to watch a bunch of floats, bands, and people we have no interest in the first place in seeing. But wait, if you missed it the first time, they will “rebroadcast” the same 4 hours of monotonous boredom. But thanks to COVID, this year’s parade has been canceled. Thereby ending a 75-year streak of this 5 ½ miles of fun.

But back to Halloween. Look Local, State, and Federal Officials. I am just curious about something. If wearing a mask is to protect others from “getting sick,” and if Halloween is a time where everyone is wearing a mask. Then by shutting down Halloween, you are, in essence, saying that wearing a face-covering doesn’t protect you from COVID in the first place. And if that is the case, then we have two options. One: we either shut EVERYTHING down until this who “so-called pandemic” goes away. Or Two, we just all take off the masks, open everything back up, and go on with our lives before all of this foolishness started in the first place.

We now return you to your COVID suspended regularly scheduled life…somewhat in progress.