The Scariest Words in The English Language.

Today is a beautiful day.

Well, at least for me, it is. (For My Love…not so much)

For you see, it’s raining outside, and I’ve got a cup of coffee here next to me in a nice warm room with a locked door to keep the kids and the other predators out. Last week I got my books and bookshelves out of the garage and arranged them by my desk along with my TV and DVD Player. After being in this house for the past year and a half, I finally have my writing space set up.  Okay, so it doesn’t look like this.

But If I ever had a library/home office like that, you’d have one heck of a time getting me out of there.

But I digress.

People spend their time during rainy days doing different things. As previously mentioned, I love to sit down and write or even take the same cup of coffee and curl up with a good book in front of a fire in the fireplace. Sometimes the fire is fueled by wood, sometimes with the bones of my enemies. But that is neither here nor there.

There are those people in my life who think I should be up doing things around the house. I prefer to take a more “relaxed” approach to life on a rainy day. However, some prefer a more “active” look at spending this day. See, there are those kinds of people who can “relax” while doing “active” things. For example: Have you ever met anyone who says it’s “relaxing” to do yard work?

What kind of sick individuals are these people?

Whoever in their right mind actually believes that going out into the yard, pulling weeds, planting a garden, for vegetable mind you, is actually a fun thing to do? It’s hot. It’s miserable. I mean, I work during the week. Why do I want to go out into the yard, rip up what God, or what the landscaper put in when we bought the house? Just to plant a bunch of stuff that 1) I will never eat or 2) I can just get into my car and buy a can of it at the grocery store. When it comes to gardening, the only vegetable that I plant is me on the couch becoming a potato.

Granted, using the gardening analogy may not work on a rainy day like this, but you are getting the idea.

So, why did I bring up the whole “active” thing, you ask?

Well, earlier I mentioned that I am in a nice warm room with a locked door. Maybe I should put a little more emphasis on the word LOCKED. Because downstairs, the love of my life is putting together an Armoire for her mother for her bedroom. Now, for those who were victims of getting our education from a public school, an Armoire is a kind of wardrobe or freestanding closet. We bought it because My Love’s mother’s room does not have a closet in it. Actually, her room was to have been an office/library, but she is living with us to help take care of the kids while the both of us are at work, so we turned it into her bedroom.

You would have to understand that My Love loves to put furniture, toys, or whatever together. Strange as it is to me, this is her idea of relaxing and taking it easy. She is the handy one in this relationship. She is the one with all the tools. She is the one that starts to drool every time we go to Lowe’s or Home Depot. And yet, just because she is the one with all the talent and ability to put things together, it doesn’t necessarily mean that her “relaxation” goes smoothly all the time.

This is why I’m upstairs behind a locked door, and she is downstairs with our oldest, Des, putting this piece of furniture together. You know, “relaxing.” Because I can tell, even from way up here, that things are not going as planned. I hear drills drilling, banging hammers, and words spoken that should not be mentioned in polite society.

At first, she tried to get me to help out. But Thank God I stood my ground because what is going on down there would pretty much end our relationship.

I’m not exactly sure what is going on. Still, I think it has to do with some of the scariest words in the English language printed on the box, which said, “Easy Assembly in Minutes.”  This ranks right up there with “Some Assembly Required,” “No Tools Required,” and my personal favorite, “It’s so easy, a 3-year old can do it.” Well, My Love is older than a 3-year old and things aren’t looking good.

If things don’t turn around fairly quickly, I’m pretty sure there will be a sacrifice of some value (probably me) to the furniture gods so that she can complete this project before we are finally released from quarantine.  

Well, I’d better head down there. Not because I’m looking to end my life anytime soon, but I’m out of coffee, and I’m willing to risk it to get another cup.

Until next time, I now return you to your regularly scheduled life…Already in progress.

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